The whole “learning from a Baptist” thing…

If you have taken the time to read that page that I just posted, well…that’s my senior theology paper that I just had to finish the other day. Thought it was interesting…thought that if I spend some time on it…maybe someone would be able to take something from it…so if you read it, think about something…feel free to let me know. Enjoy this spring day.

Is odd…or am what I feeling how it should be?

Just an interesting observation that I had today. Today was my last Sunday at College Church. Last Sunday of course unless I someday move back and such, but trust me…I love the Nampa/Boise area but I’m not going to be around anytime soon(unless my sis needs something really important). Anyways, after trying two different churches in the area I ended up walking across the street to College church one of the first Sunday’s I was here at as a freshman and well…I haven’t gone anywhere since. Combine the fact that I had a great opportunity to play with Ryan Ketchum on a weekly basis, plus the amazing Hiltys (the couple that just started teaching the University class) I pretty much found a home. Now, I’ve been through some crazy changes and things with my church here going from a regular college student to participating and then a youth intern and then back to just attending. It’s been great to build relationships and such with people who are now my friends. What leaves me scratching my head is the way in which I think that I’m going to miss my church (all the thoughts and emotions suddenly rushed in while playing this morning) more than I’m really going to miss the school and such. I mean, ya…I’ve built some good relationships and a few friendships with folks around the campus, but something just hasn’t felt right at times (like a lot of relationships that we have), and to tell you the truth, the relationships that I’ve built with some of the people across the street are well…to strong to just end when I leave here next week. Ya, the Hiltys are just the leaders of the group but really they are my friends, and as I was sharing with Mel some of my plans for the next couple weeks and such…and she was totally connected with me, ready to go through all of that with me type of connection and well…one knows that they are loved, missed and will not just be a number on the roll sheet.
So…I think that’s how it’s supposed to work, and yet, how many of the people at our school have relationships like that…and how many of the people that walk through our church’s doors (generally speaking) find a place that they call home. I’m not talking about the place that ‘fits’ their view of church the best, but who actually find people that are willing to risk personal and emotional harm to get to know them on a real and genuine level. Just something to think about…cause there really is no place like home wherever that is.

Motivation of the Heart (part 4)

So it’s been a little while since I last updated my page. Just imagine planning four big events at once…ya, that’s what I’m kinda going through right now, but to tell you the truth, I’m stressed but not freakin out which is a good thing..I think. Anyways, maybe the time that has passed will help me with a little of what I was thinking about when I originally started this four part series (if you can call it that).
A lot of people I know are or have struggled with this thought of consumerism. They often talk about the mighty fist of American culture, usually in reference to the ways in which we spend our money after they have just returned from some amazing mission trip to a third world country. How we white, rich, americans sit in our heated, walled and roofed classrooms debating the issues of life and death and there are people all around the world and even in Nampa Idaho who can’t afford a solid meal, and yet we as consumers will go out that night and buy a new pair of shoes (that’s my own taste) or a whatever it is that we don’t need, just because. This consumeristic (if that’s a word) thought then rolls over into everything that we do. From church and the mall made Santa, to even the way people view the nightly news (this high def signal or cable on this flat screen tv or that projector) there are ways that people want to peg being a American into being a consumer. True, I think we are all consumers, just as one who buys milk from a farmer in a third world country, we are both paying for goods or a service. However, that’s not what people are talking about. No, it’s the thought of we WANT more or that we can never have enough. So one person even goes as far as saying that they are feeling guilty window shopping and have pretty much decided that being a consumer is a sin. Very interesting point.
Can we separate being a Christian with being an American, or is that too much to ask? Can we separate being a Christian and being a consumer from sin, I totally think so. I think it all comes down to a motivation of the heart. What are we really seeking in that act? Are we seeking fame and glory and more stuff than we can imagine? Are we just buying to have and not buying because we need? Are we not being good stewards of our money? I think those are the questions we need to ask, for I do not think that you are sinning because you live in America where we have a good portion of wealth. No, I think you are walking a fine line when you come to the point of not using what God has blessed you with in an appropriate manner. Is that a hard thought to follow? So there is that part of the argument and thought…and then there is this:
Where am I going to be in the next couple months, half a year, year? Multiple options, multiple places, and well…there is a lot to think about and a lot to decide on. People constantly ask me for updates and such and really…it’s interesting. Go I just think that God is going to reach down out of the sky and place his finger on the map and then pick me up and move me there? Well, I don’t think that would be totally crazy if it happened, but really, I think that there comes a time when I must just think and then decide. A wise pastor once told me that when you have a bunch of good options you should be happy because God is giving you the opportunity to decide what you like. It’s a motivation of the heart issue. Are you in it for yourself or are you in it for something that is much bigger and really, much better than you could ever be? So pick one, stick with it never looking back and recognize that God will honor your decisions if you are truly seeking to honor him with your life. Maybe that’s why I’m not totally freakin out. Honestly, this was an amazing day. I’ve had offers to go places and such, but I have wanted to find a way to be in Ellensburg for quite some time now and well…I took a pretty big step recently and today was evidence that I think God is definitely supporting me. Within a matter of hours I had had multiple conversations about a potential job, then an interview, then potential housing for Steph or myself, and then well…just some good ol encouragement. What a day. Yes the thought of moving somewhere close to Steph, to begin the process of blending our lives together for a long long long long time is exciting, but to realize that I could have a place in ministry there, a place connecting with the community whether that be college students or not, and well…that is such a pleasant thought that I don’t know if I’ll be able to go to bed tonight. SO there you have it…my first four part series. Let me know what you think if you actually read it and well…enjoy the night.

LOVE (part 3)

Like…Love. For realz, that’s what’s really on my mind. I mean, we often say that we love something or love someone but what does that really mean. So when I think about loving a girl what is that supposed to mean? I say it quite often now, and yes I really do love her (it goes way more than just wanting to hold her, kiss her, and do things married people do), but what does that look like? We all come from different families, different places, people, and definitely have different dreams, so what then is my responsibility to her and to her dreams? Isn’t love basically all about the other? Instead I think we often talk about love but still address it from a very selfish position. I mean, I’m in San Fran, just spent a day working with people helping to feed them through a couple of different organizations and well…don’t we often say something like “I’m going to go and love these people AND it’s going to make me feel really good” as if we are putting a qualifier on our giving of love to them. Like we really have something to offer them that they know nothing about. Like, challenging myself to constantly think about loving someone else in my life and well…that means thinking about all the crazy ways that my decisions effect them. NO, I don’t have to notify her of anything I do, but maybe I do talk to her about it because I love her and value what she thinks or says. Things like that. Well…just something to think about. I know that this is a pretty short entry, but I’m tired and it’s definitely time to go to bed.

Responsibility (part 2)

What an amazing word really. There are so many places, thoughts, ideas that can go with it. I am contemplating my responsibility in relation to Stephanie and what that looks like. What that looks like as our relationship progresses. Then you have social responsibility and what does that mean, and then you have this thing of personal integrity. I had a situation a couple years back where I had to do a few things different than most would because I didn’t want to compromise my personal integrity. I felt that what I believed had a higher standard than was the norm was in the group that I was associated with. That was crazy tough and really, some questioned why I would do such a thing. I and my family spent multiple hours not sleeping because of the things we had to think and contemplate. Once again I find myself back thinking upon this due to a couple of recent conversations that I have had. Is it partly my responsibility to see change. I don’t know, but I almost feel that it is to some point. I mean, it’s a bad situation but do people really see the extent of it. Not that it’s a personal crusade, but more that there is a group that seems not to care about their representation of what I stand for, of what my university stands for, of what the church I am now a licensed minister in cares for. Is it partly my responsibility to speak and speak boldly, not to humiliate or bring judgment upon, but to say… “something needs to change.” How can we allow people to just disregard core values that people have worked so hard to establish. It’s not about one person’s hard work, sweat and blood, but it’s about our integrity. Do we hold ourselves to the world’s standards or do we hold ourselves to God’s standards? What should we do, what is our responsibility when people can’t even stay accountable to the world’s standards? Yes I believe heavily in grace but is there ever a time in which part of the appropriate action is to be bold, not afraid to stand and say, “we have been wrong, and we want to be transparent and people known for their honesty in everything we do.” It even comes down to an article that was written in our school newspaper in association with a group of guys that got into some local legal trouble, and then the newspaper was quickly pulled by the administration. I could care less about the “freedom of speech” clause or the fact that people who have funded the newspaper do not want to see the mugshots of these guys on something published in association with the school, but what about the message that that action is sending. As if we as a Christian people are more concerned with our marketability and our public image (so we do not want to air our dirty laundry) than with being known as people who are open about our brokeness and willing to confront it. Seems like we as Christians should be the first people to proclaim that we are dirty and broken. That we don’t have it all right and instead of trying to make sure nobody knows that we instead want to be a people that are willing to be honest about our journey and efforts to intentionally work on it, always seeking to love God and love others more deeply. So I ask these questions, wonder, ponder, and really don’t have a conclusion. I guess I’ll just have to see what happens, but maybe I will have to say something. Maybe I will have to just write or speak on the issue, and maybe I’ll just have to pray. I don’t know…but it’s heck’a hard.

Amusement Parks (Part 1)

Now, don’t get me wrong I like amusement parks. Not the little kiddy rides you find at DisneyLand and definitely not “it’s a small world,” but more like Magic Mountain or Great America (at least that’s what it was called when I was there last. Yes, the rides there can be well…an enjoyable experience. However I heard a phrase that I have never heard the other day. The context was quite different as well. In fact what I’m about to paraphrase was said immediately after a school administrator read the biography of one of our faculty who just passed away. Maybe you will be taken aback from it just as much as I, and you’re not even sitting in the service. Our chaplain stated that maybe we just see our bodies as amusement parks, where any and all can buy a ticket and get a good ride. Or maybe we’re more like Disneyland and offer more on the weekends (or something to that effect). Now, I was taken aback just from the sheer shock of when this statement was made. WOW! There was a small and even more than small murmur that swept through the auditorium as people gasped. Now, do I think that there is a point to all this and that many of us in this world really do think about our bodies in this way, sure. In fact, I think that we often do not even take into consideration the effects that we may have with our actions on others in the simplest of things. However that’s not what I really have thought about. The point I’ve really come to think about is how we at times just carry on with what we want to say, what we have so excitedly prepared and yet we have not listened. We are so unaware of the chaos around us and the brokeness around us so when we speak we stick out like a sore thumb. We are not addressing the issues of the day, instead we are addressing the issues centered around us. It challenges me to constantly, intentionally learn to listen and then only after I have listened to think about what has been said. Not to judge, not to come to quick conclusions, but to actually find and be connected with them where they are at in their lives or where the world is and the needs. Am I missing the mark here? Could you see the difference one would have if this was their goal. I mean, not just listening to God, but listening to others, to the earth, to cultures…you name it. I’d like to think this is just not an ideal, but something extremely practical.

Amusement parks, responsibility, love, and a little heart motivation in four parts.

It’s been a rather interesting month or so. I think one of the last times I wrote I was recently back from Seattle, not too far removed from visiting multiple churches and well…the girl. A lot has happened, a lot has been thought about, and currently I’m on the road to San Francisco. In fact we are just pulling into Winnemucca Nevada. I’ve been to Seattle for the Washington Pacific District convention, I’ve been crazy busy with school and such, I’ve been offered a potential chance to live on Capital Hill in Seattle. There’s been multiple conversations with people I’ve never ever talked to before, I’ve never said “I love you” more to Steph, and I’ve never been more sure of my calling to be involved on the mission field particularly in the states. It’s pretty crazy and really I can be a wreck sometimes emotionally but no due to the stress of thinking whether or not my life will be taken care of in a couple months. No, I’m really not worried about all that. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m giving a huge amount of my attention to the issue and to figuring out how I can spend the rest of my life with this amazing girl that I have fallen in love with, but really I just want to be a vehicle of change. That’s the problem. So…I hear things, I read things and then they consume my thoughts at times. Try writing a paper for school when your constantly thinking about the meaning of integrity and if that implies to more than just you but to things like institutions and such. Ya, that paper isn’t going to get done as perfectly as you would have hoped. In fact I’m on this trip, not really excited about it and I had an epiphany while facing the urinal in Burger King’s bathroom. How can I be excited about this experience and learning to help others or be of service when I myself am a little bit of a wreck right now. I mean, I know that God can use me if and when I am willing, which I am, and use me in my brokeness. In fact a professor recently stated that that is the reason the church exists. That God breathes in the church to breathe them (us) out to be joyfully broken in the world. So it’s fine that I’m broken and messed up at times or all the time, but it sure seems that there may be a way that instead of going out all the time that I might need to take some time to just wait. Don’t know what that looks like all the time, but ya…just something that popped into my head. I’m in a bubble…and so here are four things that I’ve at least thought about in multiple places at multiple times throughout the past little while.